Pink for October

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To save lives and end breast cancer forever by empowering people, ensuring quality care for all and energizing science to find cures.

honorable mention.

i have a follower on my blog now!! thanks sarah. i miss you, roomie.

so...this past weekend i decided to enter 3 of my photographs into a local art weekend thing. i hate expecting amazing art and then coming to realize that people will make all kinds of crap just to sell it. and not that i think i'm the most amazing photographer ever...i mean, i think i'm pretty good, but that's probably a good thing if this is what i'm doing with my life. and i did receive honorable mention on one of my photographs....which would be a lot more exciting if the photographs that placed ahead of me weren't of dragonflies. seriously...2nd and 3rd place....up close pictures of dragonflies. that's all if have to say about that.

i'm supposed to be in my nutrition class right now. tell me if you would be motivated to go to a class where the professor just reads off of powerpoint slides for an hour and a half. and the slides are all posted online. and attendance is just for bonus points. again...that's all i have to say about that.

i am going up to the school around 2 to work on some color prints. it is kind of a frustrating process...but i do love it. i'm having a lot of fun. it's the only class i have this semester that i actually enjoy. at least there's one. none of the work is digital so if i ever get a scanner i will post them on my site. speaking of which, my dearest brother-in-law is about to begin building me my very own newly designed amazing website. i can't wait.

jonathan and i want to go on vacation during my christmas break. we haven't decided where we will go but any vacation sounds awesome.

this was a completely useless blog. sorry to my readers (sarah).

new location. new name. new (old) friends.

i've moved to a new city...i LOVE it.
i married my best friend. life with him is amazing.
i'm going to a new school (starting MONDAY)...and i don't have much more than a year left.
i'm going to get a minor in art history. i only have to take one more class to get it.
i've reconnected with my old friends.

things are good i'd say. i'm ready for school to start monday. i'm starting to get restless. jonathan's at work now so it's hard to find things to do during the day that make the time pass and keep me busy and productive. only 2 more days though.

we're going back to ruston next weekend to see our friends! i can't wait. i miss everyone.

i got to be the photographer for my sister's wedding. it was a lot of fun. me and dad and the bro-in-law are still in the process of discussing the possibility of starting up our own business soon. i never thought i wanted to do weddings...but i think i've changed my mind. i hope this all keeps moving forward. i don't want to get out of school with an art degree and then not have a career where i'm actually using it. i feel that'd be a waste for me. i love art. i love making art. if i can have a job where i am surrounded by art and i'm able to actively create and produce works of art then i will be happy.

in the mean time i need to soak up as much as possible in this next year and a half i have of school. i'm taking non-silver photography and color photography 1 this semester. along with a 20th century art history class and a nutrition class (i needed one more class so i could keep my scholarship and grant and it was the only thing i could find). i think it will be a good semester. i hope i can make new friends in my classes...although it will be hard to live up to the standard set by my photo class friends in ruston. they are amazing and i miss them terribly.

enough with the sappy stuff. i need to go find something productive to do the rest of this afternoon. i'm approaching my last weekend of vacation though so nothing TOO productive :)

life in general at this point.

so i'm getting married in about three months. time has flown by. i can't believe it's coming up so quickly.

i'm learning a lot about gentleness right now. it's a lot more complex than i thought it was.

i should be sleeping right now. thoughts thoughts thoughts. they don't stop when i need them to stop.

why does it feel like such a bad thing to want to be an artist? that's not what people want to hear when they ask what i'm going to do with my degree. i feel like it's okay to not know yet. it's okay with me at least.

2 more days til school's out for a week. home...finally. i need a vacation from ruston every once in a while.

i am so scattered.

gusts over 30 mph with a low of 29.

it is just so beautiful and amazing to me what happens when you seek the Lord. He is so faithful. I would've given up on me so long ago. but He loves me. and that is also beautiful and amazing. with all of my flaws and mistakes, He loves me. just as i am. that feels good. in a world where acceptance is so important and the fear of rejection is always in our faces, it feels good to know that i am accepted just as i am no matter what...all the time.

on another note...because i am a completely distracted and scatter-brained person...the wind is blowing like crazy outside. it's such a beautiful day (FINALLY!!) but i'm afraid i might blow over if i go outside. but that breeze is amazing. i love the feeling of the wind. something so strong and evident in feeling but not in sight. that's cool. i wanted to close my eyes as i walked out of class today and just let the breeze blow me along. but i had to cross the main road across campus, and i wasn't really planning on dying today...so i kept 'em open.

additionally....seriously, i think i need ADD medication....i have been on a cleaning spree the last two days. maybe i secretly love cleaning. or maybe i'm just procrastinating reading this extremely wordy book on photography. don't get me wrong, i love photography. but the lady that wrote this book may be more scatter-brained than me. i'm not really good at reading to retain information. i can read a whole page and not have a clue what any of it said. i'm more of an active learner. i have to highlight and underline in order to remember. but this is a library book and i don't think they like it when you write in those. should've bought my own copy, but after spending over 200 dollars on photo paper in the last 2 months, i'm not really willing to spend any more money than i have to spend. i'm supposed to be saving anyway since i will only have a job for one more month. i can't believe my ruston chapter is coming to an end. i still have four months left though...and i want to make the most of it. as much as i'm ready to leave sometimes, i really do love this town and the people that are in it. i'm taking some wise advice and living NOW...not just living for what will be happening in my future.

i love my friends.

"decide to be happy."

here are some photos i've been working on for a class assignment: "before and after". we were supposed to pick an issue in our life that we wanted to change..something past, present, or future. we had to document the negative aspects of the issue (before) and then document how we could change it and what the outcome would be (after). i wanted to do something personal...not just something like "wake up earlier" or "eat better". so i decided to use my photography to document something i have struggled with in the past...and that is depression. so here are my photos of life with depression...and how to change that. my theme is "decide to be happy". it's a quote from a book we had to read for class, "Letters to Cagney". it really hit home with me because it is something i have had to do over and over again. and it is one of the best decisions you can make.

p.s. thanks corrie for being a wonderful model!!


before:






and after:

no it ain't no way to be

i'm trying to peel back the layers of myself. i have to face my insecurities and just come to grip with how i i really feel. it takes time to heal, and the more i look for quick fixes in the world the longer it will take. i am realizing that a lot of what i do is to try and cover up how i really feel somehow. i relish in the attention of others because i don't feel adequate enough. i seek what i don't need so that i can feel wanted. i KNOW that i'm wanted so why do i do this?? i have no clue. it's heartbreaking to realize. i just need to keep telling myself that i am good enough. i need to be healed and to know in my heart that i am loved...i don't need to seek "love" from this world. that will never be enough. God is the only true healer. in HIS name we are healed. nothing else will do.

i think i need a sunrise.

i want to be a talented writer again. how do you just lose a talent? where does it go? i would like it back. i have all these things inside that i want to say, but i can't get them out. they're just stuck somewhere. if i could find the plug that holds it all in i would pull it and a huge wave would come rushing out. the pressure is built up and i can't find a release. when does this end?

stuck in a rut.

this is such a confusing place. i have so much going on inside of my head. i feel like if i truly start to think about things that i might explode. i don't know if i put myself here or not. i'm just confused right now. i need some direction. i need change. everyday is school and work. i need something exciting. something different or unexpected. something risky, unpredictable. i don't know. i really don't.